And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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