If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
