Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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