Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
