So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
