i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
