I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
