She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
