I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
