I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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