Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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