He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
