I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
