It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
