Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
