I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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