I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
