Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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