I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
