if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
