Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
