Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
