Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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