was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
