Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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