New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
