So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
