when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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