you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
