I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
