your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
