It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
