he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
