i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
