being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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