why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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