Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
