I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
