I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
