dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
