I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
