Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
