I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
