I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
