I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
