In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
