cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
