giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
