dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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