Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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