Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
