I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
